How to comfort the children
effected by the "attack on America"

By Noel N Batten Qualified Natural Diagnostician and stress management consultant

After the "Attack on America" on Tuesday 11th, September 2001, I would like to offer suggestions on how to help children overcome grief and maintain emotional stability caused by this terrible trauma. I have included suggestions to help children effected directly and children who have simply become fearful.

Children who have not been effected directly

The more, young children are exposed to television coverage and peripheral conversations about this terrible event, the more they may develop insecurity and fear, to encourage a troubled heart. Whilst children should not be kept in the dark about the bad that exists in this world, there are things we can do to maximize their self-confidence and emotional stability when exposed to these circumstances. To apply the balance of nature in counseling, it is helpful to try and counteract any instability they experience "outside in the world", by increasing stability inside the home, within the family circle. Having meals together and minimizing television viewing in preference to parent-child interactions, motivating conversations about personal interests and sharing games etc, will encourage their emotional stability tremendously.

Help them to understand the negatives
"and realize the positives", to help them deal with their grief
When discussing the negatives of this disaster in front of children, it is important to mention any positives that will come out of the disaster as well, so that children are continually reminded of the balance of cause and "overall" response in life events. Children have a natural desire to learn, therefore if they are not taught to look for whatever positives are derived from certain crises, they can have great difficulty dealing with the stages of grief, fear and animosity they will experience. Continuous negative observations, create continuous negative emotions, that can often cause suppression and prevent the "moving on" process. The inability to reason things out to eventually overcome grief and loss, is the primary reason for family disharmony, the use of alcohol and drugs, and even crime.

Children who "have" been directly effected

When they are awake, help them to speak up and grieve outwardly,
to prevent them from suppressing it inwardly and going into denial
When we are exposed to crisis during the day, we react through "conscious" assessment of the immediate effects and we feel sorrow for our own losses and the losses experienced by others. As we progress through this initial stage of sorrow and empathy, we need to allow the flow of other "acceptable" feelings of anger and healthy judgment of the many aspects involved and this outward expression minimizes suppression and denial. If we suppress and fester "excessive" feelings of grief and animosity, we can actually disrupt long-term sleep patterns and interfere with the placid, mature judgment aspects of our personality. Children need to express their tears, grief and anger, whilst at the same time it is "very" important for them to be given some positives concerning a crisis, to help lighten the load.

When they are falling asleep, help them to have
"specific" positive thoughts to take into sleep with them
As we fall asleep, the thoughts we take into sleep with us, react on our "subconscious" and as our subconscious has a long-term effect on our confidence and ability to progress, these thoughts need to be aimed in a positive direction, particularly when it comes to the developing minds of children.

The thoughts we fall asleep on, influence our ability to
overcome crisis and develop strength and maturity

It is very important for us all, to allow the human flow of the five stages of emotional progression after experiencing a crisis and these emotions are:- personal expression, depression, realization, blame-shifting and anger. Only when we allow this natural flow, will we prevent denial, to eventually come out the other side with an acceptance, which allows us to continue a positively progressive path in life. Sometimes the progression of these emotions make it very difficult to fall asleep on anything positive, but it is important to try by focusing on one or two specific memories or positive points about a person or experience.

Instead of allowing them to feel totally separated from
a lost parent, help them to "become" their parent, in the positives
When children loose a parent, and they are told, it is now up to them to pass on their lost parent's good habits, personal values or career talents, to the world, they eventually take on a sense that they are now their parent's honorable representative in life. This can help immensely with some children as they are actually holding the important aspects of the lost parent, close to their heart in place of their sorrow, to perform a specific task that encourages grief redirection. In essence, they become everything positive that their parent represented, which is what nature intended for them in the first place.

Help them to become helpers, which is also a necessary part of our nature
Telling one child, another child needs support, or needs to become a representative of the crafts, ethics and expertise of "their" lost parent, can allow them to realize they are not alone in their grief, which encourages them to become helpers themselves. Even giving them a pet to help, a favorite plant, or a specific belonging to look after that was precious to the lost parent, can also be a great help. These are all forms of release and grief redirection that also open doors to help children speak up about different aspects of their grief. It is also important to understand, there will be a time when they will also reject that item as one part of the five stages of emotional release. Just let this natural progression unfold. They will turn several times during their process of personal release and eventual acceptance.

How to help children fall asleep on thoughts that
will develop their feelings of self-confidence and stability

One of the best ways to help children fall asleep on thoughts that will divert their attention away from crisis and fear based reactions, is to treat "going to bed" as a togetherness celebration or gathering. Five helpful hints that will develop a child's "grief redirection" and encourage their positive progression.